It has come to my attention, post tiding up around la casa, that their is one thing in this life that you must pay full price for. You must not go cheap. You must not nickle and dime it. And that my folks is your standard American trash bags!

Once upon a time I thought I would call it what it was a get trash bags from the Dollar Tree, but with that dollar came holes and double bagging. Since the days of my horrific purchase making skills, I have wised up and spent my extra dollar well and follow my heart to what the commercials say, “Don’t get mad! Get Glad!

So there you have it. An adult discovery while adulting around and cleaning my home.

Kick the summer off in style by burning the piss outta’ yourself with the sun - Its the only way to go from pasty to colorful in less than 6 hours.

In less than 3 days your burn will fade right into the beautiful tan you know and love so well. I know it’s not ideal, but when the pasty weathers of Ohio or (insert pasty weather state here) strip you of your tan you must react quickly.

This message was brought to you by one burnt motha’ effer! Happy tanning folks.

If your man has had a hard long day in the hot sun, cool him down with homemade margaritas and yummy cheese filled meatballs.

There is no better way to a mans heart than food and booze - well, maybe attending the Super Bowl or something. When it’s not football season this will do.

Well, my abs look nothing like this and I’ve made it to level 3. However, my ability to do squats, jumping jacks, planks, lunges, push ups, crunches, leg kicks, jump ropes and other various acts without bitching has greatly increased.

I welcome those jumping jacks.
I say, “Hey, you! Jumping Jack. Yeah, you! I got you buddy. I. Got. You.”

You think this is a game? You think we playin’? When is last time you did jumping jacks? Elementary? Middle school? Go home and do jumping jacks for 30 seconds and tell me if you don’t remember that crap being much easier when you were a kid. How about butt kicks? Member the first time you discovered you could kick your own ass? Yeah, we’ll try that crap for 30 seconds and call me in the morning.

This is what waiting for someone to accept your offer for their house looks like.

Playing the waiting game.

Help reduce the anxiety Little P.

I want to start the next chapter of my life, but I can’t because your bookmark is stuck in one of my chapters…

Buying a house is stressful. You have all these hands dancing around you, pulling you in different emotional directions, and you’re not sure if you are up or down.

Our storyline goes a little something like this:

“There’s a house we like.”

“That house was sold? Bummer.”

“There’s a house we like.”

“Sold too? Bummer!”

“Let’s call someone and look at a house…”

“Ew. We don’t like that house!”

“Oh my, you have another house for us to see?”

“WOW! This is nice. We want this house!”

“Sure we will go to the office and fill out paperwork.”

Gathering paperwork. Gathering Paperwork. Paying bills. Saving money.

“Never mind, you are stuck in a lease.”

“Crap. We are stuck in our lease.”

“Yay! We are not stuck in our lease.”

“Hi. We are not stuck in our lease.”

“Damn we are stuck in our lease, again.”

“Don’t worry you will save us and help us get out of our lease?”

“YAY! They will save us and get us out of our lease.”

“Game over. We can’t get out of our lease.”

“We are pre approved for XXXXXXX? Wooo!”

“You must wait two months. We can’t get you out of the lease.”

“Wait two months… nah, the house will be gone by then.”

“We can get out of our lease - we just called.”

“Make an offer? We thought you said wait?!?!?!”

“Because we are not stuck in the lease we are green lighted?”

“Yay! We will be over to make an offer.”

“Yay! We made an offer…”

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

“That sucks. They need the entire night to think about our offer.”

“I hate waiting….”

Who would swap these bad boys?

Your lack of wearing them or wanting them is my complete and utter gain!

I win.
Thank you 330 Swap & Shop!

Sunday morning I attended thee first annual 330 Swap and Shop with my sister.

We dropped off old clothes and got a time slot to come and shop for more. They based your clothes on a number scale - clothes purchased were numbered - and you take the total ### provided and shop.

I found a couple of pretty sweet items with me 13 points (this top was my first find!) I skipped over two tables and jumped at the shirt the was glimmering in the sun.

It was pretty fun & I think I would do it again.

Alright, So I have recently become OBSESSED with a carbonated water called Sparkling Ice (you can find more about it here too). It comes in about 5 different flavs and it is basically the bomb! It’s great for those of us who kicked the pop program, but still get cravings for the fizz every now and again. (If you are interested, go to the website I’ve linked and it will show you where you can find it.)

So, I’ve been drinking these pretty hard core and even consumed up to three in one day. Then I got to thinking…. (which is dangerous)…(really dangerous)…..

I just did a bit of research and it turns out that from what I could find, drinking carbonated water has no negative effects on weight loss or dieting. (Cracking open a fresh Sparkaling Ice now!)

I went a little bit further and checked out the ingredients of the Sparkling Ice. They do not have any artificial flavors, however they do use Splenda. Hey, it’s not that headache causing Aspartame.

Years ago, I tried sparkling water and I didn’t like it. Well, I should say my brain didn’t like it. It was clear, looks like water, but obviously it wasn’t. I don’t think my brain could get passed it. What I love about these is that they are not clear.

Is this actually having a negative effect on my attempts to flatten out and slim down?

Dr. Oz says drink this 3x a day before meals to slim down!

Per his swim suit episode.

Hmm…

Please release me from this curse.

I think my overall annoyance of apartment living is just not being able to control or reduce those around me.

Case and point: The loud ogre named Shrek who stomps and stomps and walks while he is stomping ALL DAY upstairs! Why?!?!? I swear he is pretending that he is riding a horse and loud stomping in circles in his living room. In fact, I would be hard pressed not to bet a million dollars that he has worn out the carpet in his apartment. He just walks all day. ALL. DAY! Sir. Are. You. On. Speed? Are. You. Angry? I am going to need you to wrap feather pillows around your 500 pound feet so that I do not have to hear you ogre-ing all over my ceiling. It’s like so totally annoying, as if, and what not.

I am fully aware I am being a Kelly Drama about it, but I seriously would love to walk upstairs, knock on his door and be like, “Arrrreeeeee yyyyooooouuuuuu ooookkkkkaaaaayyyy?”

Sheesh. Shush!

Finally — I get to wear my funky leaf print shirt that my fashionista seester got me for Christmas. Shout out to DulacDesign.Tumblr.com &&, pushaaaa, what a better place and time to wear it than to Mr. Funky Boyfriend’s movie Dark Shadows! Eek. Depp! The perfect way to end this very successful Saturday. Also, and this may seem off topic a tad, but we’ve had things going on, namely, a large possibility of becoming home owners and finding what could be the perfect house for our quest in exiting apartment life (don’t mind thee randomness of it all, but I’ve had a LARGE glass of wine) AND our first goal in homeownership is getting a dog. There is a chance I will consider naming my dog Gilbert Grape - yes, from the Johnny Depp movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Namely (yes, namely again) so that I can say, “Gilbert, I killed him Gilbert.” Okay, maybe that was just a funny inside the apartment joke. However, I will consider it. Teach the dog play dead just so I can say, “Gilbert, I killed him Gilbert.” Alright. Enough. Johnny is waiting. Got my funky shirt on and l, well, no one really cares - do they?

Just ran my first 5k without stopping! I’m so PROUD of us!!! To boot, we knocked off another minute and a half.

What an accomplishment!!

Weigh in results! Exactly two lbs & I’ll take it as I’m sure the lack of better numbers IS muscle gain. My last weigh in was 4/6 at 136.7 Today is: 134.7 With a family vacation to Maine a couple weeks away - I’ll need to be ultra crafty on how I get my rump under the 130’s. With 4.7 to go, I’m not worried. I just need to kick butt and be smart about it. New goal: Get myself under 130 lbs. & I’ll be happy. Next weigh in: Friday, June 1. The day before vacation.

Day 7:

Muscles in my rear, where did you come from. Can I get a Pauly D., “Whoa buddy?”

Second day of level two — it ain’t easy. And when she says, “I have 400 lbs. people who can do this…” I get pissed and jump a little higher and push a little harder.

I could use Jillian on tape while I run.